Get the BeckhaMessage

Rich: Hello, everyone. I’d like to call this meeting to some sort of order, if that’s at all possible.

Gaby: It’s not.

Rich: Okay. Bye.

Wen: What, you’re leaving? Just like that?

Rich: No, I’m kidding. Okay, let’s –

Nina: Um, Rich?

Rich: The chair recognises Nina.

Nina: Yeah, I have a suggestion before we start.

Rich: What is it?

Nina: I recommend we form a GoobNet SPEED Executive Committee.

Rich: What for? The full GoobNet SPEED is only the five of us.

Nina: Yeah, but the executive committee could still be all of us.

Rich: And why do we need a separate executive committee?

Nina: I’ll show you. Look, I’ve already developed a logo for the new committee, complete with its abbreviation.

Jeremy: “GoobNet SEXCOM”? That will make people giggle!

Nina: Yes, it will.

Rich: Nina?

Nina: Yes, Rich?

Rich: That’s one of the stupidest ideas I’ve ever heard in this room.

Wen: I’ll add it to the list.

Rich: How many is that now?

Wen: Ninety four.

Rich: Wow. Think we can get to one hundred by the end of the month?

Gaby: It would take a concerted effort, but I think we can do it.

Rich: Well, hopefully this meeting will help. Okay, the topic for discussion this week is the LA Galaxy.

Jeremy: I hate the Galaxy.

Rich: Really? What team do you like?

Jeremy: Chivas USA.

Rich: You can’t like Chivas USA.

Jeremy: What, why not?

Rich: First, you work for GoobNet. And second... you’re white.

Jeremy: We have a diverse team. Why shouldn’t our fan base be diverse?

Wen: They don’t have a fan base.

Jeremy: We’ve got the most colourful fans in the league.

Gaby: [on telephone] Yeah, it’s an emergency. Jeremy’s a Chiva.

Wen: Did you go to their game last night?

Jeremy: Yeah. It was a great game.

Gaby: [on telephone] No, I just found out.

Wen: Then how come nobody was there?

Jeremy: There was a good crowd.

Wen: Yeah right. I was watching. They had entire sections empty. I’m looking up the attendance for that game now. It says 10,214, and that’s only if they’re counting arms and legs.

Gaby: [on telephone] Okay, thanks. [hangs up] Security will be here in a sec.

Jeremy: What for?

Gaby: Don’t make this any more difficult than it has to be.

Jeremy: What did I do?

Gaby: The security guard also said something to the effect that you haven’t got any aguante and that being a Chiva qualifies you as a puto.

[Security guards enter.]

Jeremy: Hey! What are you... that’s a sensitive area – ow!

[Exit Jeremy with guards.]

Rich: Okay. Let’s get back to work, everyone. We are trying to come up with ways for the Galaxy to maximise their earnings potential now that they have Dave Beckham.

Nina: Who’s this? I have heard absolutely nothing about him.

Rich: Yeah, he’s a quiet one. Anyway, what can the Galaxy do to make as much money as possible?

Wen: Raise ticket prices and screw over their fans?

Rich: Good idea, but they did that already.

Wen: They should do it again next season.

Rich: Anything else?

Nina: Sell sponsorship.

Rich: They already have a jersey sponsor.

Gaby: They’ve got room for more. I’ve seen European clubs that have sponsors’ names on the players’ asses.

Rich: Really?

Gaby: Yeah. Right across the back of the shorts.

Rich: You really think the Galaxy should do that?

Wen: How about a toilet paper manufacturer?

Rich: That’s quite enough of that. Anybody else have an idea?

Nina: They could have youth teams.

Wen: That’s good. Beckham has his youth academy there; they could partner with him.

Rich: Galaxy youth teams would be good. They could use those to hook kids and get them to drag their parents to Galaxy matches.

Gaby: Reality shows about Dave and Vickie?

Wen: There’s one on tomorrow night, isn’t there?

Gaby: I think that one’s just about Vickie.

Rich: Getting Dave out into the media, good. There hasn’t been nearly enough of that.

Nina: I detect sarcasm.

Wen: They should coin new words involving the word “Beckham”.

Rich: Like what?

Wen: “BeckhaMania”, for example. If you come down with a case of BeckhaMania, you could go to the BeckHome Depot Center and step up to the BeckhaMicrophone, where you could look into the BeckCam and record a message for Beckham himself.

Rich: Wouldn’t that be a “BeckhaMessage”?

Nina: And wouldn’t it be to “BeckHimself”?

Gaby: I got one! They could sell luncheon meats called “Beck-Ham”!

Rich: This was actually a pretty good idea, Wen.

Wen: I got more. If you want to look like him, you could get a BeckhaMask and a wig of BeckHair, or you could buy play BeckhaMoney marked “In Becks We Trust”, or if you need to scare off potential attackers, you could get a canister of BeckhaMace, all of which would be available at a stand in the stadium marked BeckhaMerchandise.

Nina: And a couple who are both BeckhaManiacs could have their BeckhaMarriage at the BeckHome Depot Center.

Rich: Okay, we got a few now. Anybody have anything else?

Gaby: How about giant letters on the hills in Palos Verdes spelling out “Beckhamland”?

Rich: How about no?

Nina: I think we’ve got enough, don’t we?

Rich: I think so. Let’s close the meeting.

Gaby: Don’t you mean “BeckhaMeeting”?

Rich: Meeting is closed. Let’s go to the postmeeting spread.

Wen: I think they said they’d have cookies for us today.

Nina: BeckhaMacaroons!

Rich: Shut up already!