SUN 11 JUL 2004 SUPPORT

WEEKLY WHINE

Gagné ya

Do something 84 straight times.

Anything.

You can't, can you?

Here's our review of things that you can and can't do 84 straight times.

Save a baseball game: Can be done 84 straight times. But only by someone with a goatee.

Wake up on time: Cannot be done 84 straight times. This is probably a mathematical impossibility, though it hasn't yet been proven. Proof of this conjecture is left as an exercise to yo mama.

Shave without cutting yourself: Is possible to do 84 straight times, especially if you have an electric razor.

Post a new Weekly Whine every week: Easy to do 84 straight times.

Post a good Weekly Whine every week: Not easy to do 84 straight times.

Eat a healthy, balanced breakfast: Can be done 84 straight times, depending upon your definition of breakfast.

Eat a healthy, balanced dinner: Cannot be done 84 straight times. Nobody eats healthy dinners any more.

Not lose a football match: 84 straight times is impossible. You hear that, Arsenal? Impossible!

Run into a wall: Probably can be done 84 straight times. But you wouldn't want to meet the person who can do that.

Eat a hot dog: Difficult to do 84 straight times, but possible. Wait a while and then check back in with that Tsunami guy.

Say the phrase "thrust period" without giggling: Is not possible to do 84 straight times. Might not even be possible one straight time.

Play a baseball game including at least one kick of dirt at the umpire: Is required at least 84 straight times.

Play a baseball game including at least one hat throw at the umpire: Is not possible 84 straight times, unless your name is Lou Piniella.

Be intentionally walked: Not impossible 84 straight times. Certainly within the realm of possibilities for a guy called Barry Bonds.

Take a bad shot: Was previously thought impossible to do 84 straight times. Kobe Bryant's exploits have shown otherwise.

Demand a trade: Was previously thought impossible to do 84 straight times. Shaquille O'Neal's exploits have shown otherwise.