SUN 23 NOV 2003 VARIETY

WEEKLY WHINE

Youth serves itself

Let's hear it for the Chris Hirata of football!

And for good measure, let's hear it for the Freddy Adu of physics!

The bad news, of course, is that one of those professions involves a lot more world travelling, and it's not the important one. But anyway, here's a look at these two standouts who stand up.

Chris: Entered Caltech at age fourteen.
Freddy: Entering MLS at age fourteen.

Chris: Graduated from Caltech at age eighteen.
Freddy: Could graduate from MLS at a younger age.

Chris: Brought the entire family to Pasadena so he could go to Caltech.
Freddy: Indirectly forced a trade so he could play for DC United.

Chris: Thinks the phrase "Flee the D₂O" is funny.
Freddy: Thinks appearing on MTV's TRL is fun.

Chris: "Terese, leave me alone."
Freddy: "We've been through some tough times, Mom, but look, here's your son, standing right here, staring back at you."

Chris: Uses third person in certain places on his website [sometimes the very next paragraph after some first person stuff].
Freddy: Doesn't use third person. Not yet, at least.

Chris: Is in New Jersey at this moment.
Freddy: Is in Los Angeles at this moment.

Chris: Lets you determine your age in mean sidereal Earth years on his site [I'm 023.1275439! Woohoo!].
Freddy: Makes people wonder whether his age in mean sidereal Earth years is what he claims it is.

Chris: Has a girlfriend from Seattle.
Freddy: Has no girlfriend, and may still subscribe to the Cootie Theory. [Then again, does Chris as well? Judge for yourself.]

Chris: "Try out this script. It is particularly useful for annoying your parents."
Freddy: "Thanks a lot, Mom, I love you."

Chris: "Everyone knows it can be annoying. But I am fortunate to be able to work on stuff that's interesting."
Freddy: "When you're born and raised in Ghana, that's the sport you play. We live, eat, and breathe soccer."

Chris: "Yes, I am getting older, no I don't want to think about it."
Freddy: "I'm not worried about it. I go out there, I play, I have fun, and really, I'm not playing to please anybody."

Believe it or not, Chris has actually been funny on various occasions in his life. Freddy, conversely, has already mastered the art of the news conference: speak for an hour or so, say nothing.

Chris quotes jacked from his website, except for the Terese one, which he probably said at some point or other; Freddy quotes jacked from his press conference.