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WEEKLY WHINE
Civic disobedience
There's a historic event due to take place today. A once in a lifetime opportunity to see an event that will alter the course of human history, an occurence that will be talked about for decades to come. That's right, Pittsburgh host Cleveland in an NFL playoff game today. But unlike most American football games, this is a game between cities rather than between teams. Who will come out on top? At least it won't be a draw; in 101 previous meetings, the Browns and Steelers have never tied. So here it is: The Blue Collar City Showdown.
This debate was judged and scored by a panel of Eastern European artistic gymnastics judges.
| CLE | PIT | |
| Cleveland: Browns lead Steelers all time, 54-47. | +1 | |
| Pittsburgh: Steelers won them both this year. | +1 | |
| Cleveland: Dawg Pound. | +1 | |
| Pittsburgh: Battery throwing. | -2 | |
| Cleveland: Historic lakefront setting. | +1 | |
| Pittsburgh: Cold lakefront winds. | -3 | |
| Cleveland: Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. | +3 | |
| Pittsburgh: Terrible Towels. | +3 | |
| Cleveland: US Airways. | -3 | |
| Pittsburgh: Terry Bradshaw. | +2 | |
| Cleveland: Jim Brown. | +4 | |
| Pittsburgh: Jerome Bettis. | +2 | |
| Cleveland: Kelly Holcomb. | +1 | |
| Pittsburgh: Bill Cowher. | +4 | |
| Cleveland: Butch Davis. | +1 | |
| Pittsburgh: Kordell Stewart. | 0 | |
| Cleveland: Asymmetric helmets. | -3 | |
| Pittsburgh: Bland helmets. | -3 | |
| Cleveland: Clean helmets. | +2 | |
| Pittsburgh: Four Super Bowl wins. | +4 | |
| Cleveland: None since 1980. | -1 | |
| Pittsburgh: No Super Bowl appearances. | -4 | |
| Cleveland: Downtown view from the stadium. | +1 | |
| Pittsburgh: Downtown view from the stadium. | +1 | |
| Cleveland: Stadium named after the team. | +4 | |
| Pittsburgh: Get to use the word "confluence". | +3 | |
| Cleveland: Scoreboard ketchup bottles. | -6 | |
| Pittsburgh: Ketchup goes with the hot dogs. | +1 | |
| Cleveland: Drew Carey. | +2 | |
| Pittsburgh: Gwyneth Paltrow. | +6 | |
| Cleveland: She's not from Pittsburgh. | -6 | |
| Pittsburgh: But she likes the Steelers. | +1 | |
| TOTALS: | +9 | +9 |
| OVERTIME | CLE | PIT |
| Cleveland: Paul Brown. | +3 | |
| Pittsburgh: Art Modell. | -4 | |
| TOTALS: | +8 | +9 |
It seems Cleveland doesn't rock after all. So that makes a Pittsburgh-Tennessee divisional playoff matchup. Steel v country? No contest.
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